The search for God, the search for spiritual community

My friend Peter Turiansky asked me this question:

> Andrew,
>
> You have spent a good part of your adult life seeking a deity and a faith community that meet certain criteria that have been established by, well,
> yourself. Does it not occur to you that any such god would be one of your own making, and not a real one at all?

I answered thusly:

The search for the community is not the same thing as the search for
God. Truly, I search for a community that shares my understanding of
God, rather than a community to tell me that God something different
than I already experience God as being.

The real question that applies to my own search is: how do we know the
"truth"? Do we need to be told by a traditional or dogmatic (etc.)
religious path, or do we need to find out for ourselves? When I
resist/leave a church, it is usually because the dictated
understanding of God does not compute. Rather than creating God, I
feel I am constantly discovering God, and because that has been
happening (for me) at such a personal level,it is increasingly obvious
to me that theologically I cannot be stuffed into a pre-existing box.

The appeal to Episcopalianism was the openness in terms of individual
interpretation. It seems to me that this is the case among Mennonites
as well, though as I said, there is much I do not know.

This actually addresses your previous question about me being a
closeted atheist. I might as well address that here!

I cannot find the article I mentioned..but it differentiated between
different kinds of belief, and I'm probably not being 100% faithful to
what that writer said, but that isn't really important:

1. Absolute certainty that there is a God, and "I" know that God.
--Strong Theism
2. Absolute certainty that there is a God, but I don't know that God.
--Seeker with Theism (not the right term)
3. It's possible that there is a God, but I don't believe there is.
(Atheistic agnosticism)
4. It's possible that there is a God, and I believe there is.
(Theistic agnosticism)
5. I know for certain that there is no God. (Strong Atheism)
6. We cannot know either way, period. (Strong Agnosticism)

Something like that.

I fit number 4. My understanding of God is very non-specific. I
believe there is a God...and that God may be a neutral energetic force
of creation, or a loving energy, or a potentially personal God, or
whatever.

I believe in afterlife, that science is the study of creation and is
therefore true theology, that scriptures are highly questionable but
potentially inspirational.
Some meandering thoughts anyway. I'm sure I'm leaving a lot still
muddled, but this is God we're discussing, after all.

Christian Elitism

A post by Seanna at the Liberal Faith blog triggered me to consolidate some of my thoughts on this.

The practice of shunning is an accepted practice in the Jehovah's Witness religious world. It's kind of like excommunication, but they won't even hang out with you in this case.

Having witnessed an actual shunning on a JW chat page several years ago, I can't say I find it to be a very savory act.

Moreover, I don't see it as a very Jesus-inspired practice.

Among the more conservative, evangelical Christians, I've seen it in different ways.

See Amy Grant's experience. She released some songs which garnered crossover attention ("Baby Baby" for one) and she was decried as a sell-out. As far as I can tell, "Baby Baby" wasn't non-Christian or anti-Christian or even necessarily a-Christian. It just didn't spell it out.

Be exactly like us to be part of us. Otherwise you aren't really one of us.

Jesus welcomed everyone to follow him. To be a fisher of men does not seem to require perfect conformity.

To be fair, a Christian must somehow deal with this. (Matthew 5:48)

Even there, however one is to intepret "be" and "perfect" and "be perfect," I don't see Jesus saying "be perfect or get out."

Christian exclusiveness is Christian elitism and it is a contradiction in terms.

I'm scratching the surface here, I realize. There are many ways in which religions require some kind of strict adherence in order to take part.

How Jesusy is this, really?

I guess I could do New Year's Resolutions for 2010

1. If I could achieve a whole week as a pure vegan I would be happy. I made it three weeks once, and that was during Thanksgiving even, so that means I can do it, right?

2. This year I want to reach peace and completeness with where I am in my life. Meaning, what I do every day, or what I don't do. Whether on a career path or in school, I want a sense of inner peace and acceptance about it. Even if I decide that this is no longer a focus of mine, and my focus is more on building relationships and my job is just a means to "be in the world," I want that same sense of inner peace and acceptance. I don't have a conscious grasp on specifics, but my intent is kerneling. Time to fully blossom, I think.

3. The only resolution I made last year was to read 100 short stories over the course of the year. I didn't come close. I finished reading less than ten books too. I did not fulfill any self-promises about writing either. So this year, no resolutions like that. I do want to read more, though. It's fun.

4. I would like to be comfortable in my physical space. I want to make the space itself important.

5. I want to make my body a focus of respect and compassion.

Fun rejected resolutions because of their specificity:

1. write a poem a day
2. write a book
3. exercise six days a week without fail
4. get engaged

2009 - Best Albums by Women (According to Andrew)

I had some free time and spent a lot of time listening over the past week or so, to solidify my opinions. Very difficult to rank these of course, so a grain of salt would be a good idea!

Including some representative videos when I can here...

1. PJ Harvey and John Parish - A Woman a Man Walked By





2. Karen O and the Kids - Where the Wild Things Are



3. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - It's Blitz!



4. Shakira - She Wolf



5. Neko Case - Middle Cyclone



6. Brandi Carlile - Give Up the Ghost



7. Fiery Furnaces - I'm Going Away



8. Faun - Buch der Balladen



9. Ruthie Foster - The Truth According to Ruthie Foster



10. Cucu Diamantes - Cuculand



11. Camera Obscura - My Maudlin Career



12. Mary J. Blige - Stronger With Each Tear



13. Imogen Heap - Ellipse



14. Angie Stone - Unexpected



15. St. Vincent - St. Vincent



16. Marilyn Roxie - New Limerent Project



17. Florence & the Machine - Lungs



18. Amadou & Mariam - Welcome to Mali



19. Shemekia Copeland - Never Going Back



20. India.Arie - Testimony: Volume 2, Love and Politics



21. Eluveitie - Evocation I: The Arcane Dominion



22. Tegan & Sara - Sainthood



23. Indigo Girls - Poseidon and the Bitter Bug



24. Lady Gaga - The Fame Monster



25. The xx -xx



26. Alicia Keys - The Element of Freedom



27. Elis - Catharsis



28. Carla Bley - Carla's Christmas Carols

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJkdOT_xvIg

Good review of this album here.

29. Kittie - In the Black



30. Fiona Boyes - Blues Woman

Check it out here: Fiona Boyes Website

21. Whitney Houston - I Look to You



32. Patti Loveless - Mountain Soul II

Adolescence Decodified

Last night's dream. I visited a former high school teacher of mine, a literature teacher who I liked very much. I don't fully remember the reasons for my being there, and at times during the visit I mixed her up with another very teacher of mine, a history teacher very influential to me in ways I'm just beginning to understand.

Weirdness: the teacher recognized me and was happy to see me.

Weirdness: I was digging through her clutter in her classroom and found one of her old notebooks. She was excited about this too.

Evidence of a power-dream: As I bid farewell to her we embraced and she was crying.

I awoke under the spell of those emotions, but it's hard to wake up sobbing with a CPAP mask on your face.

I recall hearing at one point that this teacher (in real life) had passed away too young, sometime after I graduated.

There are teachers who do not know how much I appreciate them, because I never told them. This should be a fairly obvious new year's activity on my part.

As I look back at various influential adults during my adolescence, the ones I hate the most are the ones who stepped on me. Emphasized what I was doing wrong. Punished me verbally (and occasionally physically) for not matching their vision of...something. Obviously something I did at age 12 or 13 was a mirror for something in their adult selves they couldn't stomach.

But the ones to whom I am most grateful are those who allowed us teens to grow without unnecessary critique, judgment, slam-downs. Interestingly, the best teachers kept things slightly impersonal.

As I look more deeply into the teaching field, initially in an effort to add some meaning to my own meandering, self-focused adulthood, I am seeing so much value there. I want to be a support without trying to be a parent. Adolescence is a time when people who aren't your parents become important. It would be so easy to blow it as a middle school or high school teacher. Such a tightrope. Loving intentions are what fuel all truly successful people. I don't mean capitalist or career/ambition successes. I mean what I've always meant by success: making a difference.

These are new, early morning, post-dream thoughts, but I think I'm onto something.

One more odd thing about the dream. At the end of it, there were students gathering around to bid be farewell, along with the teacher. At the back of the classroom were a bunch of art projects (for some reason.) One of the kids picked up his clay monkey baby, which came to life, jumped on this teacher, and tried to suck her breast. Of course, at this point, my sister appeared in the dream and started laughing. It's the sort of thing she'd laugh about. Me too.

A more humane Christianity, via Paul!

(I know it's been awhile since I've posted anything here. There's been some turmoil and my focus has been elsewhere.)

This article briefly describes a compelling interpretation of the Pauline letters of the Bible as NOT anti-Jewish, but actually pluralistic. This is definitely a gentler, more reasonable and humane message. If it is embraced in popular Christianity, we may see that the religion itself also becomes more gentle, reasonable, and humane.

The teaser: "Saint Paul, Apostle to the Gentiles, set the theological foundation for centuries of Christian thinking about faith and redemption—and for as many hundreds of years of implicit (and explicit) anti-Semitism. But what if Paul has been misread?"

Article is called Paul the Pluralist: Jesus’ Number Two Was Not a Christian, and it's by Pamela Eisenbaum. Religion Dispatches, 12-09-2009.

Link:

http://www.religiondispatches.org/archive/religionandtheology/2067/paul_the_pluralist:_jesus%E2%80%99_number_two_was_not_a_christian

Spiritual Experience: Doug's Forgiveness

This isn't the first time I've written about this, and it won't be the last. It is probably the central event of my life.

Most of my spiritual have been visions and dreams.

At age 11 my friend was crossing a street, was hit by a drunk driver,
and his body flew a block away. He went into a week-long coma that
ended in death. As that week progressed I started hoping he would
die. I wanted to know what it would be like for him to die. I am
also impatient in general and dislike uncertainty. (I'm working to
get past that these days...have been for some time). Of course, when
he did die, it was a relief and I also felt guilty that I had hoped
for it.

I didn't understand it this way, but when I first met Doug, at age 8
or so, it was love at first sight, at least for me. It was my first
experience of being physically and emotionally attracted to someone.
I remember the feeling when I first met him as if it was yesterday.
He was a personal friend in many ways. He would confront me if he was
angry with me. I cannot say WE were best friends necessarily, because
that has always been a somewhat artificial construct to me, but
HE was extremely important to me, possibly the most important friend I
had at the time.

I used to pray to him after he died. Confessed to him how I had felt
when he was in the coma, and how I had wanted him to just go ahead and
die. At some point later, I had a dream in which I was sitting at the
foot of a hill at night, and a light came over that hill, and he appeared and forgave me.

To this day, more than 25 years later, I still miss him and my heart
is still broken, but at the same time, I feel a certain peace from
that dream.

Do I know if that was more than just a psychological need that my
subconscious created for me? I don't know. And in some way, it
probably doesn't matter.