Looking at the future on approaching 40

As I approach the age of 40, it seems that in spite my intentions, I have made this an important birthday. Life events, including a lay-off and the death of my dog who had been my primary anchor during the toughest years of my life, have played a part. I have finally fully accepted that the fragments that seem to be forced upon us in the academy are illusory. The idea, for example, that a scholar must write boring prose, is no longer something I accept. One of the reasons I took this creative nonfiction course was so I could experiment with ways I could incorporate a more engaging writing style with my scholarly essays. Unexpectedly, I found myself writing on more personal topics, such as my own social, spiritual, and general life struggles. Perhaps that is what I need to be doing right now to push past this final obstruction that I’ll forever call the wretched thirties. Maybe not. Maybe perspective will soften that judgment. I’m certainly open to that.

Now, I am planning on full-time study of spirituality and religion. My engagement with the writing world is not going to disappear as this progresses. In fact, the primary way I plan to use this training and study is for writing. I envision myself writing essays about religion, finding the nooks and dark corners and quirky sidebars of spirituality that show how different we are as people expressing, probably, the same universal desire. I realize not everyone is as serious about this topic as I am, but it seems everyone I have met has reckoned with the big questions at some level, even if it is to take a peek, or be forced to go to some religious service, and conclude that they will just find out when they die.

With each new professor in the very near future, I will inquire about his or her receptiveness to my writing papers for their courses in a creative-nonfiction manner. Speaking from a craft-oriented perspective, I think the more essays of a similar nature that I read, the more skilled I will be, and the stronger my instincts will become. I foresee the challenge of writing at a scholarly level but with the idea of “making the topic interesting” for a reader who would not be in such a college course. While this is still a foggy idea for me, I feel it is part of my own calling as a writer. I have been told that, based on blog entries I have written on various topics, that I should be striving towards publication, and that has become appealing to me. Fiction writing, which is what I’ve primarily studied for most of my adult life (a pursuit which included not only an M.A. in the topic, but also additional workshops later in life), has become increasingly frustating, while nonfiction has offered much gratification. I have enjoyed what I have done so far in this class and elsewhere, and can see taking it more seriously than I once did. While I am unsure how much memoir-type writing I really want to do, I am very attracted to weaving in some personal memoir along with more philosophical religious ideas.

I’ve heard that some writers have the goal of having published enough books to fill a bookshelf by the time they pass away. I hold no such goals, but I do want to actively publish, in both the scholarly journals and in the more popular press. While book publishing is certainly a desire, my more immediate interest is in articles and essays, and I doubt I will limit myself to my academic pursuits, topically speaking. I do have some memoir pieces already begun, of course, and I am not abandoning those. The spiritual autobiography is a draw for me, though I am seeing this being more “doable” if I pursue it first as a series of articles that I can later compile together for a book, with some transitioning and editing to make it into an effective larger work. Small slices of life are important to me too, so I will continue to write about those. My role in the writerly world, as I see it now, is to move away from my previous desire of writing solely for an audience of other writers. I want to be part of the world’s thinking community, and I want to share my thoughts and research with the readers of such publications as Harper’s and the New Yorker and The Atlantic, even if those specific magazines aren’t my ultimate destination. I’d like to contribute to the world of thinking, and I want to do it wearing the hat of the distinguished and talented writer. I plan to keep working on my skills, on my studies outside of those oriented on craft, combine the two, and share the fruits of my effort. This is my new dream. Better stated, this is to where I have come and how my self-image has evolved. It presents me with a feasible future and a satisfying career orientation. I’m not choosing a job; I’m integrating my strengths into a complete way of life, God willing.

What I believe

1. Don't take your beliefs too seriously.
2. Being a "blog administrator" is an illusory power.

Amen?

Slight hurdle created

Comments are now going to be moderated, due to spam.  Don't worry, if it's not spam, I'll more than likely approve it.  And I seem to check email like 1300 times a day!

Compassion for animals and ritual slaughter

Okay, the quick research I just did is on wikipedia, which is ALWAYS suspect, so I wanted to acknowledge that from the beginning.  Some of what I share here is just from memory of things I've read.  I won't go back and provide sources for now, because I just want to make a quick point.  I'm sure there are inaccuracies and other problems with my specifics.  That's not the point of this blog, so I've decided to place a HUGE disclaimer here instead.  Maybe someday I'll do a better job researching this and writing something much more substantial.  For now, you get this sloppy non-academic blog entry!

Warning: I do describe methods of slaughter here, and link to the wiki articles which go into even more written detail.

In Islam and other religions, animal welfare is actually important - treating animals with compassion, not abusing them, that sort of thing.  Hence, only "halal" (legal or lawful) meat is allowed (among other restrictions).  The halal article on wikipedia is here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halal.  It is argued by some Muslim scholars that the method called Dabihah (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ḏabīḥah) is a humane way to slaughter an animal for meat.  Dabihah is "cutting the large arteries in the neck along with the esophagus and trachea with one swipe of an unserrated blade."  Supposedly this is relatively painless and the animal is effectively brain-dead as it bleeds to death.

Some disagree, and some studies have been done (see the links).

Kashrut (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kosher) is the Jewish method, which seems similar. There are differences between the two and the details are available online.

Hindus and Sikhs who eat meat sometimes use a method called Jhatka (also, Chatka) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jhatka), which is essentially very quickly chopping off the animal's head.  Obviously that's a pretty quick death.

There is a difference, in my opinion, between what is allowed by a religion and the solution to the complications.  There is a lot of respect towards the animals intended behind these rules and regulations, and much spirituality as well.  I respect this.

At the same time, bleeding an animal versus decapitating it...this is a choice for an animal lover?

When we don't need to eat these animals to begin with, it seems to me the least complicated and most compassionate way to go is to stop eating them altogether.

I say this with no judgment towards meat-eaters whatsoever.  What I believe is right and what I practice do not always match up.  I do occasionally eat meat at restaurants or when visiting others who are doing the cooking.  I've been though very tough times wherein the comfort-food qualities of meat-based dishes won out over my own personal ethical code.

And hence I write this blog entry as a musing on the issue.  For many years I have wanted to become a very disciplined vegetarian, and eventually a very disciplined vegan, and have not yet arrived there.

We do our best, and that's what all of this is about.

Very few people act with outright cruelty as their intention.

I've tried to make it clear here that this is complicated, and I am merely presenting my thoughts on the matter.  My hope is that my respect for you comes through.

Peace and all good.

Andrew

For Meggy

For Meggy

As I move to the next square

...yes, I've been exploring Islam as a possible faith path.  As I listen to lectures online for non-Muslims I find them jargonistic and I recognize that self-forced belief thing that's present in every religion.

Sometimes it seems almost OCD that people say "peace be upon him" every single time they mention the name Muhammad.  It might not be, but for me, it would become that very quickly.

I'm attracted to Islam because it's a desert religion and its theology is very simple, with lots of room to move.

But no matter what, I know these things.

I won't accept OCD in my spiritual path.  That means there are obstacles in Islam for me.

Five prayers a day with very specific rules, not only for the prayers, but for the washing up ahead of time.

An apparent tendency towards putting trust in conservative Muslim scholars.

The use of "fear" in relation to Allah with the immediate caveat that Allah is "merciful."

Hence, my focus has become more on Sufism, which is mystical and focuses on love.  Some Sufi teachers are pretty radical.

I'm also inspired by Michael Muhammad Knight's shocked discovery, as detailed in his road-journey book "Blue Eyed Devil," that there are half-assed Muslims just like there are half-assed Catholics.

Knight is one of the 1% of Muslim converts who are white in this country.  At least a couple years ago when he wrote that book.  I haven't read the book...just the first chapter.  It's now on my short list for reading soon.

I've got this awareness of myself, as I turn forty in a couple months, that I need to take seriously: I don't like party-line sermons.  I don't like peer pressure.   I need the mystical.  There is no way I'd become a conservative Sunni.  Even if I did become Muslim and accept the five pillars (they seem simple enough), going on the Hajj I will NOT participate in ANY WAY in the traditional animal sacrifice that takes place on that pilgrimage.

I don't think any religious scripture is literal.  Even if I were to convert, there is no way I could force myself to take the Qur'an as "not to be interpreted."

The modern "conservative" take on the Sodom and Gommorah story is just as misguided as the Christian take.

I'm still a seeker, still learning, just happen to find a lot which is appealing in Islam at this moment in my life.  Two most important things I know:

1. I have to be true to myself.
2. I suspect, if I did it, I would not have the support of some people who do support me now.  At least not in that decision.

I have to continue trusting that God (Allah, YHWH, whatever word you want) is in some way part of what moves me.  I get so angry at God so often, and that's usually when I connect him to any kind of fundamentalism or anal-retentive religiosity.

So no matter what, I must remain a free-thinker.

Feedback that one religion is "better" or "truer" or more "gay-friendly" than another will be considered irrelevant here, because it's what I DO with the religion, what I TAKE from the religion that matters.  I'm a child of God, in some way, and that means I am an equal partner in the relationship.  It doesn't work if both partners aren't participating in the dance.  And so I trust myself, and God (that's harder than trusting myself), in whatever steps I take next.  And now, I haven't quite decided what those are.

A thought about Sodom and Gomorrah

Just noticed: in my copy of the KJV bible, the Gen. story of the destruction of Sodom/Gomorrah, the commentary refers to "homosexual gang rape." Why even use the word "homosexual"?

Because it would have been gang rape of the daughters of Lot, should they have accepted the offer...they wanted the men instead.

I suppose that's why this commentary includes the word "homosexual."

I do not know Hebrew, though I do have a Torah commentary which I have not yet consulted (another note, later, perhaps), so I'll just put forth this very rough theory:

Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed by a volcanic eruption. The writers of this part of what became Genesis, in their ancient Jewish method of writing history (as the history of God in his interactions with his people), included their contemporary morality in with the story-telling. Though it is not clear to me in reading this passage that homosexuality was the issue for which they attributed to God in his destruction of the cities, it is clear to me that the aggressive behavior towards Lot and his people was the reason.

It is also clear to me that, to these writers anyway, the offering of the daughters by Lot would have made it "okay" for these aggressive men to have sex with them. Is this what "honor your parents" meant at the time of the writing?

Today, as such passages are used in attempts to prove a moral position against gay people, is it not more honest to look at the passages without leaving anything out? If we are to accept the notion that God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah because of homosexual gang rape, then we must also accept that Lot was not punished for offering his daughters to these unfriendly citizens.

Note 1: Not addressed here are matters of different Bible translations and different interpretations of this passage. I understand that many believe the wickedness of the city to be that of inhospitality. I also understand that the men (the ones they want to rape) in question might be angels, not men. I don't address this because it would make a very long note, and I merely wanted to post my thoughts on this one point of argument.

Note 2: Genesis, Chapter 19, contains the passages in question.

Note 3: I always picture this scene as an isolated incident, and therefore assume that it is but one example of the sins of these cities. I wonder how this modifies the interpretation.

Peace and all good.


(The commentary I refer to is on page 39 of "The New Student Bible, King James Version," published by Zondervan in 1992. "Notes by Philip Yancey and Tim Stafford." There are other contributors to the book as well.)